wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
