you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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