its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
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I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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