Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
