I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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