Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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