my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
