She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
