I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
