I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My life is pants optional.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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