Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
