Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
