everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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