i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
