I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
