Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
