You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
