Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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