dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I look better un-naked...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
