I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
