The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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