I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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