come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
