can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
