i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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