Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
