You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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