You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
