This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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