drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
