My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
