are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize