she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
