Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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