Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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