if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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