my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Omg I joined a choir last night...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
