He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
