I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
