Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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