3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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