mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
