She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
