bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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