I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i think my cat just said my name.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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