the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize