Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
