His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
