Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I love you. Go after that dick
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
