Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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