how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
