Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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