pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
