honey bunches of taint.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
