i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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