There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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