no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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