Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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