At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
