It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize