the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
